Hood Cat

Cats should be outside. There, I said it. I love cats more than most things on this planet, but keeping them indoors 24/7 is like forcing a NASCAR driver to ride a stationary bike—technically possible, but deeply unnatural. Outdoor cats get to be cats: climbing trees, hunting (poor) mice and birds, and napping in sunbeams that aren’t filtered through a window. Meanwhile, indoor cats turn into tiny, vengeful roommates who punish your confinement by knocking over anything that makes noise at 3 AM. Let them roam (within reason, of course—I’m not suggesting you unleash Mr. Fluffy onto a six-lane highway).

That said, if you’re going to have an outdoor cat, do not declaw them. I cannot stress this enough. Declawing isn’t a “procedure”—it’s mutilation. You’re removing their fingertips because you care more about your couch than your cat’s ability to, you know, be a cat. If you’re that worried about your furniture, either get a pet rock or accept that claw marks are part of the cat ownership experience. Better yet, invest in a scratching post and some common decency.

Yes, the outdoors has risks—cars, raccoons, the occasional hawk with questionable morals. But life is full of dangers, and yet we still leave the house (well, some of us do). You can mitigate risks with supervised outings, catios, or just letting them out during daylight hours. A happy cat is one that gets to explore, sniff weird things, and come home to demand food like a conquering hero. An unhappy cat is one that stares at you while slowly pushing your favorite mug off the counter. Choose wisely.

At the end of the day, cats are tiny, fuzzy wild animals with a fondness for cardboard boxes and hoods of cars. They deserve fresh air, adventure, and the right to use their claws as nature intended. If that’s too much for you, maybe stick to goldfish. (No offense to goldfish—they’re great, but they don’t judge you nearly as hard.)